Monday, August 30, 2010

#DadsTalking $100 Date Night

@Genuine over at is offering a $100 reward for a date night, dead or alive, or information leading to the capture of...(ED: It's for a DATE NIGHT).
Oh, OK, sorry.
Here's why I need to win it:
  • 1990: First date night. Semi-inglorious failure. 
  • 1991: Successful date night(s) of "college undergrad quality" expenditure
  • 1992: More successful date nights(s), albeit of increasing "college grad student lack-of-quality" expenditure
  • 1993: Romantic engagement at sunset on family plantation (ED: it was windswept and freezing. And it's a farm). More dates. 
  • New Years Day 1994: Wedding day! 
  • 1994-1996: Numerous enjoyable and marriage enriching date nights, mostly funded by gainfully employed spouse
  • 1997: Graduate! Move to Japan! Exotic date nights in fascinating places! Complete lack of extended family nearby has no impact whatsoever on date nights. Yet. 
  • October 1997: First son born. Possibly related in some way to previous availability of date nights. 
  • 1998: Date nights with a baby. That's not so bad.....
  • 1999: Lack of baby sitters impacts frequency of date nights. 
  • 2000: Second son born in Japan. Move to Washington DC. Date nights effectively terminated by lack of funding. Somehow first daughter is conceived. 
  • 2001: Move to Athens GA. Daughter arrives. Date nights reactivated but are inaccurately named and occur exclusively during daylight hours. They include a full entourage and inconveniently large amounts of baby infrastructure. 
  • 2002: Probably went on dates to the public library and read books to the kids.
  • 2003: Very surprised to hear of impending arrival of the fourth and final installment of our self-inflicted impediment to regular date nights. Daughter born. 
  • 2004-2009: Effectively near-exclusive "in home" date nights consisting of enforced kid-bedtime, a rented DVD, and possibly a sip of left-over cooking sherry from the previous years Christmas Fruit Cake. 
  • 2007 Special Mention: "Worst-date-night-in-history" involved a dog digging under the fence and causing death and destruction in the chicken yard, a subsequent dinner delay and missed movie, a nightmare involving black horse riders induced by a poor choice of substituted DVD, our black cat pouncing on the wife's toes at the exact moment of said nightmare, an opossum attacking a chicken that had hidden from the dog under a wood pile, a vengeful wife holding a flashlight at 3 am and loudly directing me to usher said opossum into the afterlife with the wooden club I happened to be holding at the time of discovery of said creature, a total lack of sleep-in despite the kids all being out on sleepovers, and the straw that broke the camels back, the appearance and scandalously flirtatious behavior of one half of a former married couple of friends, complete with "new" friend, in the book store coffee shop we had finally retreated to in an effort to enjoy a comfortably romantic hour or so. The "worst-date-night-in-history" temporarily put an end to all dates outside the boundaries of our property, but makes a great party story.
  • October 2009: Oldest son turns 12 and is legally allowed to watch the rest of the gang while we GO OUT.
  • 2010: Practice date "nights" (well, early evening) held. Like, just the two of us. Alone. Seriously.
  • 2010 continued: Our first weekend away without kids, since kids (12.5 years). Stunning success! More dates planned when funding available......
After the "worst-date-night-in-history" we developed a preference for uneventful date nights. As such, we will likely go to our favorite locally grown restaurant, then over to the above mentioned bookstore/coffee shop. We will just hang out while browsing food/hobby farming magazines (her) and WWII aircraft/battleship/battle books (him), while daydreaming aloud about the 10 year plan to move to the mountains (*and build a fleet of remote control battleships for the pond). The kiddos will be shipped out to friends for the night, so we will get time to hold hands, eat slowly, & let the candles burn.

Dad U
*added after final editorial approval


  1. LMBO Love 2003! 2010 "Alone. Seriously." LOL Remember, if your dates are too wonderful, you may repeat 2003. LOL

  2. How can anyone remember these dates so clearly? (Ha Ha) All the best!