Thursday, February 17, 2011

Goodbye Dad

3 am phone calls are never good.

While I knew this day was coming, probably sooner than later, it still doesn't help.
My dad is in a coma-like state, and probably won't wake. He was found that way in his bed in the morning.
I haven't seen him in five years, and in all likelihood, won't get to before he dies. All that I can do is wait for the news, then plan the flights for the funeral. He is a 24-30 hr transit away, in Brisbane, Australia, so a mercy dash to catch his last hours is out of the question.

In many ways, my dad is the reason for this blog. I haven't written much about it, but he suffered from a particularly severe case of bi-polar syndrome, and in his later years, Alzheimer's as well. He lived with part of his mind either locked away, or spiraling out of control. It was torturous to watch, and even worse to be intertwined with. I've said my good-byes many times over the years, starting at age 12 with a metaphorical parting as my parents disclosed their marital difficulties. I love my dad, and have long since forgiven him of the choices he made that crippled my childhood. My two greatest regrets are that I never really knew him past the humorous bluster that he portrayed, and that my kids won't have any memory of him. Those are heavy regrets indeed. I've been very fortunate to get the chance to try to build a different legacy with my own kids: one where they really know me as a dad, and eventually as a best friend, and one where they will have no shortage of great memories.

I miss you Dad.

I don't have many details, but my dad regained consciousness over 24 hrs, was able to talk, and is expected to be moved back to his nursing home. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.


  1. Sorry 2 hear that is very unfortunate glad u were able 2 establish a dif relationship wit ur own children...I will keep u in my prayers

  2. Tom, you and your family will certianly be in our prayers as you grieve and seek healing from the Lord!

  3. Thank you guys. It sounds like it was a blood clot in the brain stem. No more updates recently. We appreciate the support.

  4. I am very sorry to hear this. Just getting a chance to catch up on blog posts today. My prayers are with you and your family.